Recollect when last time you reminded your man to make a reservation for a hotel to celebrate your anniversary. Oh, yes… you reminded him twice, and still he didn’t do it. So you made the reservation by yourself. You informed him about it and he said that he was just about to do it. Remember, men don’t need a mother in their love relationship, they need a lover with whom they go to bed together.
Do you remember when last time you played tennis with your friends, your hobby? Not really, as it was really long time ago. Why did you stop it? Oh, yes, because you met your charming Mr. Right, and you decided to spend as much time with him as you could. Since he doesn’t like tennis, you stopped it. But you who really dislikes basketball, join him for every match. Do you really enjoy the “switch” of the activities? i don’t think so.
Does your man know that you were one of the best at the university and got scholarship for great grades? Does he know about your achievements on song festivals among schools, or how good you were at chess, and by the way, you still are?
What about the guy you fell so deeply in love? He never cooked for you, and always bought junk food. He never brought flowers for any special occasion. And he made you small in front of his friends. He never surprised you with really ANYTHING, not even going to your favorite restaurant on your second anniversary. Oh, yes, he forgot it, again…
The mistakes are…
We play the role of mothers. We prepare clothes for his business trip. When he cannot find his car keys, we look for them. We remind him about everything as we used to do with our sons. We want him to feel dependent on us so he never leaves us. Nothing more wrong. He will like it first, but will feel incompetent in a longer time, and he’ll lose your value in his eyes.
When we enter into a relationship, we put our guy as priority number one. We stop with some of our activities, to spend the time with him, but we participate in all the activities he likes. If he doesn’t like that we go dancing once a week, we stop it. We think that we make him happy, giving up our happiness. When we move ourselves to the second place, we’ll eventually love ourselves less, and be less happy. And eventually, we’ll transfer our unhappiness on to him.
We might even hide our talents, as we know that guys love to feel better, smarter, and stronger. We don’t want to destroy their “ego”, so we put ourselves down. We don’t admit that we’re good at finance, actually better than our guy. We’re shy to say that we fluently speak five languages, as he has none talent for languages. We don’t want him to feel bad.
We fall in love with a guy, who we hope, will change. Even if he doesn’t make us feel happy, and we’re blindly in love, we simply stay with him. We think that if we give more love, he’ll change and he’ll love us more. So, we never let him know if he did anything what hurt us or not.
“Never put your guy above your own values and needs”