On the way to happiness
I remember what my mom, a math teacher, and a principal in two schools for about 20 years, told me,”Those children raise their hands and ask questions, who already know something. Those who don’t have sufficient knowledge, they have no idea what to ask, and therefore they sit quiet. Asking questions means that we want to know more, we are curious, and we are eager to learn and grow, and become wiser. So, not asking questions doesn’t mean necessary that we know everything.
Therefore, asking questions is a strength, not a weakness. Nowadays, with quick and mega developments in the world, we simply cannot know everything. We are experts in certain fields and we need other experts in other areas of our personal and professional lives. Those people will succeed who will find out what they don’t know, what they need to learn, and they will ask for help – they will ask questions, and they will have the right questions, and therefore also right answers.
Have you ever experienced one of the following situations: you had a car collision, or you got fired from your job, or your relationship with your romantic partner ended, or you had a confrontation with your boss, children, spouse, you lost your house, and so on?
If so, what questions did you ask yourself first? Was it,
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why me again?”
“Why do I have so much bad luck?”
“Why did I fail?”
If we regularly ask ourselves those questions, we focus on the reasons why things happen to us. Usually, when we focus on the past, we focus on the negativity associated with the situation, we focus on the problem. When we do so, our state and emotions become negative. We might feel sadness, disappointment, depression, anger, frustration, blame, shame, failure, and so on.
But what if in the same situations, we will ask ourselves these questions,
- “What is good about the problem?” NO KIDDING!!!
- “What shall I do now to fix it?”
- “What did I learn from it?”
- “How will I use it?”
When we ask these questions, then we redirect our focus to the future, and we start looking for a solution. We enter in a positive state, and we, the most likely, feel such positive emotions like encouragement, motivation, empowerment, and solution driven thinking.
Therefore, if we ONLY change the type of questions that we ask ourselves in any challenging situation, we will be able to change our state of being and find the ability to look for various ways to solve the situation we are in, and we will discover new opportunities. And when we take on challenges, we will discover our strengths and maybe new passions.
So, if again you have a car collision, better not, but it might happen, what question will you ask yourself? Is it, “Why did it happen again?” or, “What did I learn from it? To me it would be a great lesson to be more careful next time. If you get fired, will you ask yourself, “What did I do wrong” or “How shall I solve it?” It may be a great opportunity to start your own business that you dreamed of for a while. If your romantic relationship ends, you can ask, “Why did I fail?” or, “How am I going to enjoy being single?” It is for sure a good time to rediscover yourself, who you really are without any romantic partner. And you can spend more time on things that you couldn’t do being in the relationship. When you have a confrontation with you boss, you can ask, “Why is he such an a**hole?” or “How can I communicate with him more effectively next time?” And you may want to develop your communication skills. If you lose your house, you can ask, “Why did it happen to me?” or, “What am I going to do now to solve it?” Of course, it’s better to search for a solution than focus on the problem. Please, read also my article about positive thinking.
“How” questions are the most powerful. Thanks to them we focus on where we want to be and what we want to solve. Only then we can make a plan and figure out steps that we need to take in line with a specific schedule. So, we should ask ourselves questions that give us strengths and that direct us towards accomplishing our goals. And we have to have discipline to follow the path.
Also questions like “What would happen if….?” are great to put us in the perspective when we achieve our goals in the future.
Concluding, to get better answers, we should ask better questions that lead us to clear answers giving us ways towards our internal and external goals.
When you know what you don’t know, that’s good.
Don’t sit with your arms crossed on your chest saying, “I don’t know.”
Instead, sit straight and firm, and ask yourself these 5 questions:
WHAT? – “what do I want (to accomplish)?”
WHY? – figure out a MASSIVE REASON why you want it, how accomplishing your goals will make you feel.
HOW? – think of clear tools and (baby) action steps that you need to take.
WHEN? – have a clear schedule and deadlines, and follow them.
WHO? – find out who can help you.
When we ask questions, we learn and we grow. So, let’s ask questions. Good luck!
I also encourage you to read my article about the power of words.